Special Fruitcake Recipe


    • 1 Cup Water

    • 1 Cup Sugar

    • 4 Large Eggs

    • 2 Cups Dried Fruit

    • 1 Tsp Salt

    • 1 Cup Brown Sugar

    • 3-oz Lemon Juice

    • 1 Cup Nuts

    • 1 JUMBO Bottle Vodka


    • First, sample the vodka, to check for freshness

    • Take a large bowl

    • Check the vodka again to be sure it is of the highest quality

    • Pour 1 level cup of the vodka and drink it. Repeat. Repeat again.

    • Turn on the electric mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add water, eggs and 1 tsp. sugar and beat again.

    • Make surr the vodca is still OK. Cry another tup.

    • Turn off mixers. Chuck in the cup of dried fruit or something. Mix on the turner.

    • If the fried druit gets struck on the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.

    • Sample the vodka to check for tonsistancity.

    • Next, sniff 2 cups of salt. Or something. Who cares?

    • Check the vodka.

    • Now sniff the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one Table. Spoon. Of sugar or something. Whatever.

    • Grease the oven. Turn the cake ttin 350 degrees.

    • Don't forget to beat off the turner. Whip the bowl out the window.

    • Check the vodka again.

    • Go to bed.

    • Who the hell likes fruitcake anyway?

From Mindy's Special Collection